12 Ways to Ask for Sex Tonight

By Brad Aldritch, Onefleshmarriage.com
October 26, 2018

My good friend Brad, whom i admired so much is an amazing guy and has pure heart.  Brad is an experience licence counselor and a pastor at Worship Center in Lancaster, PA.  He and his wife leads marriage group at worshipcenter and the work they have done on improving marriages is tremendous.  I borrow this piece from their webiste link: www.onefleshmarriage.com, which I found to be an eye opener.  Begenning reading below. 


Brad says…


Having sex tonight or not, may have more to do with how you ask than anything else. Desire is important, but asking for sex in a way that will be received by your wife is the real challenge. The goal is to make your desire for intimacy known in a way that doesn’t completely turn her off. Locker room talk and begging doesn’t work. But don’t worry, here are 12 ideas that will give your ask better chance for a win!


  1. Whisper “I want you tonight” in her ear as soon as you both get home. Follow this by a great kiss.
  2. Ask, “I would love to spend time with you tonight, what can I do around the house (or with the kids) to give us time for that?”
  3. When she gets dressed in the morning, compliment her and tell her you would like the reverse to happen together later tonight.
  4. Set the alarm 30 minutes early, roll over and snuggle. *Warning* this only works for a wife who is a morning person.
  5. Send her a text in the middle of the day, let her know you were thinking of her and planning a special evening together. (The Couples App or Avocado App are great for married couples to communicate privately)
  6. Turn off the TV show you are watching and tell her, “I would rather spend time with you than watch that.”
  7. Leave her a card in the morning; put it in her car, or somewhere she will find it during the day. In the card tell her how much you love her and how much you desire her. Be specific.
  8. After the kids have eaten, order her favorite take-out just for the two of you. Spend the time eating together to talk and connect. Suggest retiring to the bedroom for dessert.
  9. Spend some time cleaning and organizing your bedroom, then set the mood with candles and soft music. Invite her to join you in your oasis together.
  10. Greet your wife with a passionate kiss, not the normal “hello dear” kiss, but a passionate, desire filled “I want more” kind of kiss.
  11. Buy her some massage oil and have it waiting in your room warming in hot water. Spend time massaging her moving from extremities in.
  12. Be direct, use words like “desire, connected, time together, and love”. Avoid words like, “wanna, need, or pleeeaseeee”.


Warning: Sex is a Thermometer not a Heater


The frequency and satisfaction of a couple’s sex life can often be an indication of the closeness of their relationship. Sex can act as a thermometer telling you that things are going well in the relationship. All too often men tend to think of sex as a heater, trying to use it to fix a problem in their relationship.


Make-up sex is great, but it doesn’t fix things, it binds you together after things have been fixed.


Which Idea will Work For Me?


Some of these ideas will be a home run; some might get no response at all. What works for your wife is based entirely on your relationship and her Love Language. If you know your wife’s love language, than pick the method of asking that most closely resembles her language.

  • Acts of Service – Try #’s 2, 8, 9 & 12
  • Words of affirmation Try #’s 1, 3, 5, 7 & 12
  • Gifts – Try #’s 7, 11, & 12
  • Physical Touch – Try #’s 4, 10, 11, & 12
  • Quality Time – Try #’s 1, 4, 5, 6, 8, & 12

If you don’t know her love language, check out our post, Now You’re Speaking My Language, to find out more.


Which idea is your favorite? Do you have ways that you would add to the list? Leave a comment and let us know!